Painful Memories
by Natdisneybrown
Summary: A chance meeting reminds Vera of why she chose to spend her life alone.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic so any feedback will be greatly appreciated. All characters belong to Ann Cleeves and ITV.  
Partly based on "The Habit of Silence" A short story by Ann Cleeves which gives some background info about Vera. **

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It was late and Vera was driving home in Hectors old land Rover after a particularly stressful day. She saw the pub on the corner and didn't fancy going home to an empty house just yet so decided to drop in for a quick drink.

Even though it was almost 10pm, the small pub was very crowded and after ordering a large whisky at the bar, she had to fight her way through the crowd to find a free table in the corner. She sat down and took a large gulp of her drink then felt herself start to relax.

"Is anyone sitting here?"  
She looked up to see a man in his early fifties wearing a smart black suit standing next to the empty chair at the other side of the round table.

"No pet."  
"Mind if I join you? Everywhere else is taken."  
"No, that's fine." She shrugged

He put his pint down on the table and took a seat. Vera wasn't sure whether she should say something. She wasn't very good at small talk at the best of times and she only wanted a quick drink to help her unwind. She took another gulp of her drink and was already starting to regret letting this man sit down when he spoke.

"I'm Peter." He said, offering her his hand.  
"Vera" She replied shaking it.  
"So Vera, Why are you out drinking this late at night?"

She wasn't sure that it was any of his business and she could ask him the same thing, but she decided to try and be polite.

"Just popped in on my way home from work"  
"At this time? What do you do?"  
"I'm in the police pet, I'm a detective inspector" he raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
"Bet you weren't expecting that" she said with a chuckle.

Usually when she turned up on people's doorsteps, they took one look at her and guessed she was selling something. She had long since got used to people's reactions when she told them what she did.

"No, from the look of you I thought you were a farmer's wife or something like that. That will teach me." He said.  
"What do you do then? From the look of you I'd say you sit on your arse all day behind a desk."

He wasn't offended by Vera's comment, more amused. He smiled and said  
"Close, I'm an estate agent. I've just finished a call overseas about a house I'm selling for someone in Italy"  
"Ohhh very nice" she responded  
"Pretty boring at times actually. Anyway, I though you senior police officers all stayed in the office and discussed crime statistics and budgets."  
"Nahh, Not me pet, I like to be out there, in the thick of it" She said and finished the last mouthful of her drink.  
"Fancy another?" He said pointing to her empty glass.

She was temped. It occurred to her this was probably the first time in her life she had sat down for a drink with a man that had nothing to do with her work. She had actually started to enjoy his company.  
"No, it's late and I'd better get home and get some sleep. The bloody cockerel will have me up at dawn"  
"Thought you didn't have a farm?" he said as she stood up and put her coat on  
"I don't, It's the bloody hippies from next door. Moved in six months ago and brought a load of noisy animals that keep me awake all night with them!"  
"Well it was nice to meet you Vera"  
"Nice to meet you too." She said, then turned and walked towards the door of the pub. Just before she went through the door, she turned and waved at Peter who smiled back. It was times like this that made her wish she had more friends.

Outside in the car park, she tried to guess which car was his. It was probably one of the big posh ones parked at the opposite end of the car park. Vera's car was parked at the end of the row nearest the road, no one dared park next to her mud splashed, and dented old Land Rover. As She climbed in to the drivers seat she thought sadly that someone as neat and tidy as Peter couldn't possibly want to get to know her. She started the engine and drove home.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, just as she knew she would be, Vera was woken by the neighbour's cockerel at 6am. She got up and opened her wardrobe to get dressed. Looking at her clothes, she couldn't remember the last time she had bought something from somewhere other than Oxfam. But appearances had never been important to Vera, she had proved many times over the years that looks aren't everything.

At work she spent an uneventful day in her office catching up on paperwork from previous cases and sorting out the overtime budget. She thought about what Peter had said about police officers spending all their time in the office and smiled to herself. By 5pm she was getting restless so decided the team deserved an evening off and let them all go home.

Driving home she was tempted to go into the pub again for a drink but decided she'd better not. Angina and alcohol didn't mix well. The doctors had told her she needed to drink less and if she went in this early in the evening she'd be there drinking all night.

When she pulled up in front of the house she saw a silver Mercedes parked in the space where she usually left her car. She assumed the hippies were having a party again and their guests had used her drive without asking her. She got out of her land rover and was planning to go round and tell them to move when the door of the Mercedes opened and a man stepped out.

"Peter. What are you doing here?" She said more harshly that she intended to.  
"It seems silly now, but I enjoyed our little chat yesterday and thought I'd come round and see if you fancied a drink"  
"How did you know where I live" She said suspiciously. She was always suspicious of people who claimed they wanted to be her friend, they always wanted something. It was why she didn't have many.  
"I remembered selling a cottage with lots of land to a hippy couple who had plans to get lots of animals a few months ago and wondered if they could be the hippy neighbours you told me about"  
"Well aren't you quite the little detective."

She let them both into her kitchen and went straight to the cupboard to find something for them to drink. One drink couldn't hurt. She wasn't embarrassed by the mess in her kitchen, she hadn't been expecting visitors and even if she had, she wouldn't have made any special effort. If Peter didn't like the way she lived he could go home. She found a bottle of Brandy and two glasses in the cabinet and carried them through into the living room. Peter followed her and sat down at one end of the sofa. Vera put some logs onto the fireplace and lit it, then sat down at the other end of the sofa. It occurred to her that anyone looking in from the outside would see them as a couple. Happily married for decades, sharing a drink by the fire. What a strange thought.

"So..." Vera said awkwardly and poured the drinks  
"Well this is cosy" Peter said  
"Mmm"  
"Do you live here all on your own then?" Peter leaned forward and picked up his glass from the table, then sat back and draped his arm across the back of the sofa. This made Vera feel slightly uncomfortable and she shuffled in her seat slightly.  
"Yeah, since my dad passed away"  
"No kids?"  
"Nahhh. Never got round to it, spend too much time at work. What about you?"  
"A son and a daughter, aged thirteen and ten." He rummaged in his pocket for his wallet then brought out a photo of two young children grinning at the camera. He shuffled along the sofa closer to Vera and handed her the photo.  
"Very sweet pet" she said looking at it, and then passed it back to Peter, who was now sat very close to her. He was starting to make her slightly nervous.  
"Yeah, don't get to see them as much as I'd like"  
"Oh, are you divorced?" She had already noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.  
"Yeah, since last year, but I still haven't got used to coming home to a quiet house"  
"I can understand that" Vera had been coming home to an empty house for as long as she could remember.  
"I bet it gets lonely in this big house on your own?" He said sympathetically, patting her knee.

Vera had a sudden flashback from her childhood: She was in the passenger seat of a car being driven through the countryside by one of her dads friends. He was looking after her for the day. When he reached out for the gearstick to change gear he would occasionally catch her leg.

She felt slightly sick. She looked down at her hands and they were shaking slightly, so took a deep breath to try and compose herself. She didn't like this. Peter was getting too friendly.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is the last chapter, thanks for reading everyone. Please dont forget to leave a review- It would mean alot to me.**

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"Peter, I do cant this" she shouted and jumped up off the sofa. She walked over towards the fireplace and held onto the mantelpiece for support.  
"Can't do what?" he said in alarm and noticed she was shaking "Are you ok?"  
"Don't fuss, I'm just not good with people. Ok?" She took a few deep breaths to try to calm down.  
He stood up and was going to walk towards her but she put her hands up in front of her.  
"Just sit down, I'm fine" she snapped.  
"You're not fine. Have I done something wrong?" Peter said looking concerned.  
Vera didn't answer. She walked over to the armchair next to the fireplace and sat down.  
"Why are you really here?" she said  
"I've already told you, I enjoyed your company yesterday and I wanted to see you again"  
"And you always go round uninvited to the homes of complete strangers you met in the pub, do you?"  
"Ok, well I felt a bit sorry for you. You don't see many women of your age out drinking alone at 10 o'clock at night. You seemed lonely"  
"There's a reason I chose to be alone"  
"Its not healthy living all the way out here with no friends or anyone to talk to."  
"How do you know I've got no friends?" she shouted  
"You're at work till the middle of the bloody night every day, then you come home to your house in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't take a genius to see you don't socialise much. You even got all jumpy when I touched your knee"  
"You made me remember something." She said quietly, staring into the fireplace  
"What?" he said, confused.  
"Im going to tell you something I have never told anyone" she said, looking down at the floor.

"When I was twelve, my father used to leave me with a man called Gilbert Wood while he went off to collect bird's eggs. Gilbert was a history student and used to take me out to museums and galleries. He was kind to me. Even as a child I didn't have many friends and he was the first person to take me seriously. It made me feel special. One afternoon in May, he took me out to Hadrian's Wall. There was nobody around for miles, and he sexually assaulted me."

Peter didn't say anything. He just slowly shook his head. Vera continued talking.

"He'd spent weeks grooming me, being nice to me and buying me little presents. I felt stupid for believing it all. I tried my best to forget and pretend it never happened. But I could never forget, and since then I've never dared get close to anyone again. I've spent my life alone"  
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you remember something so terrible" he said quietly  
"Now you know why I live in this big empty house all alone."  
"I shouldn't have come round."  
"No you shouldn't." She said bluntly  
"Vera, I really am sorry. It was none of my business how you chose to live your life."  
"You're right, it was none of your business. Now, Im not twelve anymore, I can stand up for myself so go home."

He gave her a pitying look but stood up silently and walked out of the room. She heard him close the front door behind him. Tonight she had realised that she had never really got over what happened all those years ago, and she didn't think she ever would.


End file.
